Louise McBride is a breast cancer survivor, she has been very helpful in assisting my project since the beginning, the original plan was to call or meet up for an interview but we conducted one via email instead. Louise was asked a series of questions and she gave some really insightful answers.
Name : Louise Mc Bride Age: 55 currently- 45 at diagnosis
Could you provide a brief description of your initial diagnosis? Diagnosed in April 2010- have chemo for 6 months and then full mastectomy the 4 weeks of radiotherapy Could you describe or recalled the emotions you had when you were first diagnosed? Initially in shock- went to work and was all over the place- survival needs were to the fore- I was separated and have two young boys- 7 and 6- I had nearly full custody- very difficult husband who continued to kick the dog (me) when I was down- Terror , scared, devastated , afraid all the time until I got the PET scan to say it was only in the breast. Did you have to undergo any mastectomy surgery as part of your treatment? Yes, full mastectomy- even though the lump shrunk – advised that this was the best long-term option. From day one I just wanted the lump gone even if it meant taking the breast. Do you feel that you were given enough information about the options available to you after treatment? Yes – but I needed my sister with me so I could have some one to remind me what was said. You do not take in any info at the time of diagnosis or during medical appointments- rabbit in the headlights If you choose to have reconstruction surgery after a mastectomy was there any strong reasoning for that choice ? If I could have had it on the surgery table when the mastectomy was going, I would have but it was not an option. Radiotherapy not as effective with reconstructed boob. I had to wait two years. psychological journey to get emotionally ready for more surgery. Recon is offered as part of the treatment – for me it was vital part. I felt so strong about this . For me it was the lack of shape on my right-hand side- full surgery means total flatness on one side- no cleavage- this was important for me – I felt out of balance . This is a personal decision every patient must make – I think age is a factor too- my 72 yr. old mother in law wont countenance reconstruction – she is happy to wear the prosthetic which incidentally keeps moving around for her – not an ideal situation to say the least . Did undergoing this treatment change how you felt about yourself for example, yourself esteem, your confidence, your outlook on life? Seismic change-have you got a day!! Physical - no hair , there are worse things than no hair in life. Lopsided body , Work- out of work for 2 yrs. , no income and in debt Emotionally- drugs were harsh Socially- you know your friends and family when cancer calls. Let say you get support from surprising places and people who you least expect. Spiritually :Moments of pure conditional love came in from my twin sister who was just amazing- My family ,most of them were supportive- In the middle of this treatment my husband divorced me. Yes, I fell to the bottom, but I did crawl out of the pit- with support from fabulous medical staff , message and psychotherapy. The me before the cancer is not the me after the cancer. I learned to let go of expectations, to try to just be, I put in exercise and meditation, anything to reduce my stress- message is my drug of choice I tried to give a little less to my work and more for me and my two boys- It was a time of great emotional turmoil, uncertainty and the unknown. But I weather the storm – I’m still standing – I try to support others in the situation- I knit chemo hats , soft alpaca hats for the cold of chemo . Did any your treatment make you feel less empowered as a woman? No! all surgery takes away your sense of power and control- you become very vulnerable and very human- this is not exclusive to breast cancer surgery - like flying in an airplane one has to trust the medical world who are human and don’t always get it right It is all we patients have- the alternative is not an option. The removal of the breast itself did not hugely impact on my sense of womanhood- if I were 20 yrs. of age with no kids perhaps my response would not be the same . I even swan lopsided after a while without the foam insert – I decided I had no problem with it – let the other swimmers deal with it. Did any of this journey make you feel like you were perceived differently in society? Not at all- in fact I say I am a support for other women who find themselves in that position. It is good to have survivors who talk about their experiences to give HOPE one of the most important anchors at this time Compared to your first diagnosis how would you say you feel now about your journey? Cancer is part of me- it is not all of me- it has brought lessons in life to me- I am change by its presence in my life- It tilted the axis of my life – I am changed hopefully in a good way. I have a nugget that is beyond wisdom- if I thought that getting cancer was the worst thing that could happen to me, I learned that the worst thing would be in my children got cancer. I have a strength from this experience. I am still standing with the awful grace of God. Every day is a blessing even the wet days in November when the kids I teach are mad. I am a softer individual for this brush with death and I am grateful for every day. Did you take any steps, or did you find anything useful and helping you regain your strength and empower you as a woman? All the support I could get- started with the whisky therapy on the night of diagnosis, then I put out alcohol. All medical support including the psycho oncology help in St Vincent’s hospital, home help for the kids, family friends, purple house in Bray , Wig and bras/swimwear from Roches in Kimmage – ladies were fabulous If you had any surgery and we're left with scarring how do you feel about those scars , do they remind you of a difficult time that you went through, or do they represent your strength through your journey ? Scars fade – they say I have been on the journey – they are hidden and unseen. In time all things fade, initially they were reminders but now I don’t even give them a moment thought . I have a lap dorsal muscle removed from my back and brought to the front to support the implant – there was a large skin graft taken from my back – and grafted to the front of the boob. I have tightness in the back and some restricted moment -hence the yoga and workouts to build up that weakness.
If you are unhappy with the scarring have you ever considered covering the scars, if so, what would you consider covering the scars?
No nothing on them please- the thought of tattooing scares the living daylights out of me- maybe an age thing.
The area will always be tender either in real time or in psychological time- the thought of transferring on to that area would be a no go for me.
Have you ever heard about or considered getting tattoos to cover any scarring?
Not heard of it until you had informed me. Not even on the rest of my body – perhaps its an age thing- I see young people getting then all the time. The skin shrinks when the boob tissue is removed- it sits very close to the breast bone – it is very tender and I was very protective of it – I could not imaging allowing any one tattoo this area—and I would be querying the advisability of tattoo needles on this area- is it safe , what about the risk of infection with the scars, lots of unanswered questions for me here. Also, who would see it – you partner.
If so, have you done any research into that area?
No, it was not offered as an alternative – I don’t think it would be the choice of many women, but I may be wrong-
If not is there any reason why you wouldn't consider any tattoos?
Too experimental, too much perceived risk , too not normal – all I wanted was to have an RHS boob- a shape and not to be flat on one side- tattooing would not support my goals at the time . In fact , more needles – no thank you for an outcome only I could see.!!! Survival is the goal – and my presence and wellness ten years on is all the affirmation I need.
Would you be happy to Share your story with others who may be struggling to see their options post treatment?
Yes, remembering I seem to be anti-tattooing – is this an option on the VHI – I don’t think so. Maybe check this out. Every journey is different and this needs to be borne in mind. I am reminded of the photos of celebs who have had full pregnancy shots taken and posted on the magazines. Most of us mere mortals would not dream of doing this while we were pregnant – Tattooing seem to be the same for me- it might be good for some women but not for me!
Although Louise is a bit on the anti-tattoo side she states her reasoning, this in turn makes me consider readjusting the target age group of the project maybe to a younger group of women as tattoos tend to be more popular for younger generations. She has given such in depth answers and her story really gives you a sense of the long journey she has been through.
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